yesterday's epifany decoded and possibly, a cure has been found

I had the weirdest experience today. And I kinda don't know what to make of it other than it was simply, amazing! I had the confidence, I had my game face on, I had great prep and timing and energy flowing. And I felt completely motivated! I had been wondering why I was in such a slum and didn't quite know what direction to take. I could see the end of the rainbow, but shit if i could see the damned arc. But today, with the great intuition of the Casting Director Chadwick Struck, I found my motivation and man oh man did I shine greatly!

I was provided sides for the Workshop today from a film called, Lower Learning. I was pegged so freakin perfectly for the role he gave me, I had the damn thing memorized in about 10 minutes and knew exactly how I was going to play it. I got in there, and damn, he said I was perfectly matched for the role. I even amazed Kathy Brink--someone who had worries of my talent 2 months ago. I thought, this is good this is awesome feeling. And, ya know... I have to credit this book "Ignore Everybody..." by Hugh Macleod. There were some questions that gave me feedback to correct some things and it worked! I was able to adjust my need for acceptance and was fine if I didn't get feedback from Chad because frankly, I know it felt good, I know I did well, I know when I do it at my peak. And the more comfortable I become with that ideal that I don't need anyone's approval and i grow adjusted to what my acting skills and techniques can really go.

There's a theory this Macleod guy came up with.... it's called the "Sex and Cash" theory. And after reading it, it makes complete sense! It's about keeping a good division between what you're wanting to do and what you're willing to do for practicality purposes. I thought about it today because I know comedy is my strength: it is what I live, breathe, feel comfortable, and find myself in quickly as far as scripts and casting is concerned. So films like this would be considered my "sex". Now dramas, not quite my cup of tea per se. But I can get there, it just takes a little more work and a little more commitment and a little more comfort from those around me. And so then it would be considered my "cash". Technically, the "cash" is what you do to fuel the opportunity to do the "sex" aspect of the theory. Keeping that theory in a good balance helps keep yourself in good measure.

I really like what growth I've achieved and the knowledge I've gained to assist every aspect I'm doing. From Chris/Chad, from Dallas, from Macleod guy, from Gary Chapman, to Jeanie, to Kasha, to opportunities, etc. It has been a great time here in ABQ and I am so glad to still be here and on track with everything. I have so much support and I feel so affluent right now that it is incredible. My strength within myself is growing so much more and the passion and artistic desires are really coming along amazingly. Just got to take a step closer each day. that's all it really is....

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"Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. You may never reach the summit; for that you will be forgiven. But if you don't make at least one serious attempt to get above the snow line, years later you will find yourself lying on your deathbed, and all you will feel is emptiness."
~Hugh Macleod