Pillar one explained... and yeah....

So here is the conflict at heart currently. I think i've stumbled upon this issue previously but it has become back into my awareness again. On my first read for a Director I don't know, I have the hardest time, but after that, it's like the ice is broken and I can really do what I'm supposed to do. I can't quite figure out if it's an issue with being perceived or nerves, but this is something I must conquer! When I get to LA I might not get that second chance. There'll be a break through soon with this. We'll do that tomorrow. I'll ponder more on the reasons behind this "self defeating" behavior tonight with my readings....

I have a casting director workshop tomorrow--one that was called last minute. It's for a new casting director from LA that's going to be working here in NM. It'll be good to meet him. Maybe I'll google him and find out more about him as a person. That might help minimize my "breaking the ice" bad first reading. I'll try that out.

Speaking of me doing horrible on breaking the ice with people... I just embarassed the hizzle out of myself when the casting director called me for sides! I think we're both auditory people and my nonsensible nervousness to chatter on over people flowed up and out before I could take a beat and go, oh shit, stop roe! ....oh well... I recoverred, AND! My bad breaking of the ice is over with him now. I called him back and said my phone died and connected with him--I got him talking about his flight here and how he was tired. So I call that a swift save! we'll see how it goes tomorrow... lol!! It'll be good!

Anyway, I best get to bed... I'm reading another book called "Ignore everybody and 39 other keys" to creativity by Hugh Macleod. It's pretty interesting and the insight is good. I'll be posting quotes and going through what he has to say tomorrow too....

but until then.....

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"The wee voice didn't show up because it decided you need more money or you need to hang out with movie stars. Your wee voice came back because your soul somehow depends on it. There's something you haven't said, something you haven't done, some light that needs to be switched on, and it needs to be taken care of. Now. So you have to listen to the wee voice or it will die...taking a big chunk of you with it. They're only crayons. You didn't fear them in kindergarten, why fear them now?" ~Hugh Macleod