So I spent the better half of today laying in bed, reanalyzing some things from the sources I have found. I've been contemplating everything from my fear of success, my lost connection of love, my goal setting, and everything. This got sparked by my vision board. I was going to do it for only my career goals, but then the directions said to include how your main vision affects the other aspects of your life and I got stopped in my tracks over one topic--I don't care for relationships right now, but when I get to my goal, will I really want someone?
I'm not necessarily mad at the male species no matter how many times I got lied to, hurt, betrayed, used, misunderstood or forgotten by many of them. I'm sure in time I will find the right guy. And now that I have something to exchange with another guy and build from, I'd like to find that connection to boost my life. Then again, the more I think about it, am I really afraid to get out there? Not really, but I haven't been exactly putting myself out there. I haven't really invisioned what it would be like if I had a love in my life (that, yes, is from past experiences). But could this be a source for some proofs as far as why I have a fear of success? Yep.
I was listening to a seminar put on by Dallas Travers, and she states that how you do anything in one aspect in your life is how you manage any aspect of your life. I've found truth in that statement--if I don't push myself in Yoga, I don't feel it needed to push myself in acting. This Fear of Success is certainly something that isn't new, it's something I've become aware of over the past couple weeks. I've tried finding sources and management for this, but it runs so far and wide in my history through all aspects of my life that it's ridiculous! It's just a natural habit to protect myself that I achieved from growing up with not so positive reinforcements or tools to conquer through most of what I was encountering. Even while i write this I am finding difficulty to even get this out to work on because it has become a way of life. But this new year comes new perspectives and with the goals I have in mind, changing the things that are not in line with those goals is MANDATORY!
I found this website that has great questions about facing the fears of success in different areas of life and after answering the first 3-4 questions, it put my fears to rest. I doubt they're gone, but it put it in a manageable place. Fear of Success in my acting will be conquered before this year is gone! and I'll be in LA with stability in my acting career and I'll be able to find a great guy that is up to the challenge that is I. My co-host mentioned to me that I'm quite a catch, but I have a lot going for me and that sometimes for guys it's hard to be comfortable and match or exceed that. All the better because I will find someone that is very worthy of having me that I'll enjoy to have and comfort that I did find the right guy.
In light of the experience today, I wrote an outline to a Romantic comedy that I could easily star in. I'm still in the process of adjusting most of it, but I think it'll be a funny and sweetly romantic story. I'll come back and edit this post, cuz it's still early, but I'm gonna write more about that... so yeah... I'll be back...
No comments:
Post a Comment