[insert snappy title here...]

I had a great title for today, but it has meandered away from me. So I had a great fantastic amazing time with the producer of the game show and my co-host. This is really a cool production group of people. He's from LA and is friends with a highly successful star out in LA (It's not for me to share who, so sorry...). But I got an indirect lesson on what is expected which matched exactly as Vince described: be prepared, be on time, be committed. That conversation came about after a few of the college kids dropped out of helping on this production. The producer had me and my co-host in his office and kinda just wanted to get it out there. He's also really cool in keeping with working in the same group consistently. In his terms, we're all family--we look out for each other. So I'm excited for that.

We ran through the scripts and it went pretty well! I'm getting more comebacks and jokes in. We also went to Buca di Peppo! I'd never been there before but it was amazingly good! I had the ravioli's and omg!!!! it was just perfect! And there was bread dipped in olive oil and some kind of other darker sauce and it was amazing! I wanna go back, but I wanna go with friends because it's like one of those places to have good company with when you go. I'm just glad this shoot is something really special.

I also discovered one thing in common, all of us are looking for love. We're all good people, we all have good intentions, and by all means, we really try for what we love. But we always end up taken advantage of or left out after we give it our all. I guess that's what makes us good at what we do. My co-host is a very successful stand-up comedy guy and the producer really knows his stuff and is the most humble nicest guy ever. It's just a way for us to reconnect humanity with what we need.

After that I ran by a local bakery near the film studio and got some cherry stroudel for my dad. It looked amazing. I hope he'll really enjoy it. Then I came home and cuddled with my doggies for a nap because I was so drained from being on during rehearsal.

After that I went to work and ran into my hottie crush. I think we're both just funny to watch. I wish I could watch us interact because when I think back to what happened it's just too cute and funny. So when he saw me he couldn't take his eyes off me (I wasn't wearing anything special either). And I was trying to keep it professional because I hadn't seen him at work since he told me he didn't wanna mix work with personal etc. so I asked him if my payday check was ready and he pointed me to where our boss was sitting writing out checks. I kinda looked at him and I must've given him the hint that I didn't wanna go over there cuz of my stupid dopey smile and he touched me on my shoulder and said, "I'll be here, go get your check." I went and got my check and then came back. We had some small talk and he had to get back to work and he held out his hand and I like paused and didn't know what to do and it all felt in like, super-duper slow motion! I put my hand in his and he pulled me close for a hug, I didn't want it to end!!! I know i had to look really ridiculously cute at that point because I didn't know what to do but I was just glad that he wanted to be close to me! It was like an OMG OMG SOMEONE LIKES ME AND I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL OMG!! He told me he'd text me sometime bout now, but he hasn't. Oh well. I think this one's just amazing to keep as a crush anyway.

Then to bring me back to groundlevel, I called my dad so he knew a package was on the way and he mentioned about helping out my brother's ex girlfriend with her situation. Now this is just another thing to add to the fact that my dad doesn't love me. He said if he had the money he would pay her rent. But yet, when i was struggling, eating ramen everyday and behind on bills, he would give me the biggest guilt trips about not managing my money right and tell me to go find the money myself. That really hurt me. I don't know what it is about her. She's a nice person, but for my dad to want to take care of someone who isn't his daughter while his real daughter is needing support and is really doing something with her life, argh... just makes him a stronger substitution.

But as I stated earlier, I'm looking for a way to express and receive love. I wasn't given all the tools to know what true love is. Somedays I wake up and am amazed I'm not a stripper or a hooker. Greatfully, I have to my acting--which is getting way better than ever.

So anyway, to get on with a higher note: Focus on the Positive! Tonight we'll do 40.

1. I saw my crush
2. he gave me a hug!
3. I got good bakery stuff for my dad
4. I got complimented that I'm getting it together for the show
5. I got a lesson on preparedness and industry standard
6. It tried to snow, didn't get very much at all
7. ate amazing raviolis at Buca di Peppo
8. get to go play golf with my co-host next week
   
9. I did really good at yoga tonight, I didn't have to sit out any postures!
10. I got paid!
11. I got good hot chocolate this morning
12. I ate a yummy butterfinger candy today
13. I got to see my Cynthia at the bank today
14. There's a mini ice rink outside on my balcony. Pretzel tried to box it!
15. The producer guy is really nice
16. My co-host is going to help me out tomorrow night on my jokes
    
17. I did my dishes
18. I heard happy xmas songs while in the mall
19. I got a close mall parking spot
    
20. my car still has gas in it!
    
21. the yoga people are so excited to see me on TV
22. I'm becoming more comfortable with me and my own comedic stuff
23. I'm thankful I didn't become a victim of my circumstances, the producer shared a very sad story about his ex-wife and i could relate so close that it was a miracle I'm not turning into her
24. Pandora is playing some of my tunes I really really like
25. it's a pretty clear night, I can see lots of stars even with the moon so full
26. I've almost finished my gallon milk for the first time since I've moved down here
27. can't wait for eggs in the morning because I'm gonna be sore from yoga
28. I'm feeling really strong now that I've got yoga consistantly
29. My co-host is my hero--he's asked all the questions I wouldn't've thought to ask
30. My jeans are fitting very nicely
31. Fedex keeps giving me discounts! I dunno why! But they do!
32. Noticed my co-host isn't as short as I thought he was, it was just my heels
33. I'm applying what I'm learning from all sources: Ivana, Love Languages, Mike Robbins, and am being successful at reading into things.
34. water tastes amazingly good down here
35. Got stuff to make cookies!!!!!!!
36. Thinking bout making lasagna tomorrow
37. I love how dorky I am when I'm twitterpated
38. has learned that manifesting thoughts about the future is actually hurtful to my psyche to a degree, especially when it's something that's not my passion
39. had a nice relaxing shower
40. even though it was cold, both my doggies triumphed and remained potty trained! YAY!

Well, that's all for now. I leave you with this thought...

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Integrate what you believe in every single area of your life. Take your heart to work and ask the most and best of everybody else, too.
~Meryl Streep