I wish there was a bra for Confidence, I just need a lil push sometimes...

I went to Darlene's workshop and man, is she a nice lady! She actually loved my monologue that I did and only had me do one take. Granted, she didn't point out the little things like my fraud-smile and mini vocal stuff. But she and the class agreed that it was very well played.

She did pick up on a small lack of confidence and I'm not sure quite where it came from. I picked up on it after the class got going and there were a few people Darlene pointed out that were nervous. Maybe I absorbed some of that energy uncontrollably and I didn't notice till it was too late. But she did tell me that I do have a great amount of talent, she recommend that I contact Maja talent with her recommendation. She also showed off my headshots off to the whole class. Maybe that's where some of the anxiety came from (Lightbulb!). It was the realization that I have become what I've been waiting to BE-- and I was being recognized for how hard I had worked without her even knowing the time I'd put in. I can't wait for her next class, I'm going to do something feel-goody cuz I did a very dramatic piece which she loved because I came into class all happy joy like i usually do and then bam! I went serious. She loved it!

But I've found when I go to these classes it's really hard when they open it up to comments. I love that--I admit because a few posts ago, I was angry that I couldn't say anything. But now, my obstacle is whether it'll come out in a positive manner. Because I had captured some negativity in the process of absorbing (usually I'm the one providing energy, not absorbing so that was a switch), I didn't want to project that out and people hate me. I mentioned a few things to a couple people that were near me, but yeah... we'll see. Either way, tonight I was on for a good one. I was ready for her to dig at me tonight, because when I walked in a couple of the students said that she does poke and work you hard. But I really feel she didn't poke hard at me. Maybe I'm just doing that good--surprising myself. It's never like that. We'll see. I must work on my confidence so I can get the PSA on Saturday.

I'll write about the positives of what I did right (So the EVENT creates Positive beliefs and Postive emotions, and Positive behaviors for future positive results.)

Maybe part of my confidence is now at a self-sabatoage manner because I'm a little afraid of what power and expectations will be at that next level. My Fear of success chimes in a little now that i'm getting closer to it.

Well, we'll reflect on that tomorrow, it's later than i realize and I need to empty my brain. So I'll leave on this note.... or quote....

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"Our Deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
~Marianne Williamson