I am not in a very good vibe of attraction right now. And this one was attracted by misguided thoughts. I am upset about my crush leaving yesterday without saying goodbye. A piece of me kept hoping that at 3:30PM today he would walk into work as he was scheduled and be like, "Oh, it fell through" or "I lied." But he didn't, he was truly 100% gone... and my thoughts of hope have been diminished into a bit of anguish, sadness, pain, and all the negative side that thought brought. I know a part of me inspired him, from my heart, from my soul to take the jump, to leave and go do what it was that felt good to him. In a way, that does feel good because I inspired someone, that's something that I have attracted in my life. I have stated before in this blog that I want to be able to inspire others to go for what they feel is right in their heart. But then I guess what you could call my "gremlin" ego wanted to know that I was lovable and that he wouldn't really leave without a proper goodbye or I could convince him to stay. So in a way, through thinking of what I didn't want, it attracted that. So the universe said, "Your wish is my command" and didn't allow me to say a proper good bye. So I'm kinda sitting in that stew of vibration for a little bit.

I think it may be connected with my Fear of Success. I got into a crazy analyzable thought of why I may have a fear of success. I noticed with being the example in my Yoga class, i felt a power, felt a strength, a desire to do above and beyond for the benefit for others around me. And it kind of dawned on me, I want to carry this thought over to my acting. It's a matter of keeping myself as sharp as ever and feeling that I am the example and proving it to myself and not letting thoughts come in that say, "Well, remember this experience when..." because that is not who I am anymore. I have grown since then. So I am successful.

I do have some good news! I have another paid photo shoot coming up! So that's another thing I attracted that was positive! I did make some good lasagna--homemade even at that! And I thought i possibly screwed it up because I wasn't paying attention to the noodle cook time or the oven cook time and it just happened so perfectly that it came out amazing! I really like that it was a success! Next cooking thing is to make cookies! For tomorrow between Yoga classes!

I am challenging myself to do a double yoga class tomorrow. It'll help me catch up on the days I were busy. All so I can look really good on these upcoming photo shoots and keeping in shape. I want to amaze myself every day and every audition, every role and every opportunity that comes along.

I am feeling exhausted, partly from the negative vibes slowly flowing out. I'll be back to my full speed tomorrow. So I will catch up on my Happy and Grateful list then. But! I have been doing that all day. But, till then...

sleep tight...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"What you radiate outward in your thoughts, feelings, mental pictures and words, you attract into your life."
~Catherine Ponder