Again, in my life, I have been hit that it's not the right time to have a relationship. My crush has now taken a step back--we hung out once, I thought we had a great time, but he's become shy to the idea of liking me and is slowing backing off. Oh well... like I said, it's best to keep this one as a crush. I have a new crush on the cutie pie anyway, and he's a little on the young side so he'll always be just a crush. yay....
I discovered while we were filming that when I have a complete connection with myself through my getting my love language of "Words of Affirmation" by people I'm interacting with, I pop out much more and bring more to the work I'm doing. Not a surprise, per say. BUT! Now that i'm aware of it, I can work it to my favor. I was thinking back to my audition for the Game Show, and there, I did get some words of affirmation when I was talking to the small group I hung out with. Now my outgoing Love Language is "Acts of service" so if I think my talent as an 'act of service' then on auditions, that might help my mind frame a little bit different and achieve better results. It may take some adjustments like when I change a specific thing in my yoga poses, but i think that's a better way of managing it than waiting for words of affirmation (which is exactly what I should be looking for as a character) to fulfill my drive to perform. That'll keep me from becoming co-dependant on my need for words.
I reflected back to the first 2 shows we filmed and it, unfortunately, was that the director had to almost "hold my hand" to get anything out. But then I got it under control, in essence I can kind of excuse my actions because my co-host came in pissed off thru the roof so to try and reel him back in to focusing was an impossible task for me to overlook and just perform. I played selfish and insecure "to get him to connect with me." After he started noticing that I needed his support, we started nailing everything! It was amazing how well that came together. Also, a couple people came up after I screwed up a few times and said that I was doing great, being adorable, and doing much better than they thought--taking only 3 retakes instead of continuously stopping and starting. I think part of me is so embedded in class mode--since that's the majority of my experience--that I expect to be stopped and corrected and motify my performance. I'm not used to trusting (as Kathy Brink told me! Darh!) what I have going on and just tweeking it. So my confidence wasn't quite there, but because I have that co-dependancy that I will be corrected and not to trust myself that far.... that is something for correction! Again, now that I'm aware of it, I can begin to re-work and step forward. By the last taped episode, it was a well-oiled machine and we got thru it without a hitch
I discoverred my "limit" on how much attention I can really take before I have to have a place to decompress and basically, nap. After we finished with the last 3 episodes the contestant guys wanted to chat it up (because I was so on, my adorable attractive, sexiness started coming out uncontrollably.... yeah....) and I could listen for about 20 minutes and I felt myself slipping out of interest and energy. So I excused myself to the bathroom and I felt so full in my brain and I swear I took a 5 minute nap on the toliet to breathe and extinguish all that was going on. It was just crazy, I hope that tollerance level is something that can streach because I'm bound to get more attention when I start getting into the bigger leagues. We'll see, coping techniques may be needed!
And because I didn't really decompress (since I didn't blog like I am now or talk through things) I've been holding in a lot so when I was at yoga, I caught myself off my center the entire night and not focused. I also couldn't reach my meditation level where I get my visions from that drive me through plateau's. So I that's another discovery--so if an empire state building was to run into me i wouldn't have noticed--maybe that's why the crush is backing away. Who knows!? But I like yoga in the respects that it does give me a good status on whether I'm in the still and flexible for my acting & life or if there is something really bugging me and it helps me find the root and what work I need to do to get back in alignment with stillness. The next process is to find myself more "present" in the yoga room. If I can start achieving that, then I'll be able to start transfering that to my acting. I noticed many times that I don't have a central focus and really don't pay attention to where my contact is with the camera or even when and IF I'm looking at my scene partner, so that'll be a start.
Wow, look at the time. Well, I would do a Focus on the Positive right now, but I will supplement this entry tomorrow (seeing as I'll have time). And I'll be posting some good analysis on my monologue for tomorrow's workshop with Darlene Hansen. I'm excited! And, It's time for me to go get Julie&Julia!
Thank you to all, and I'm very appreciative for all that I have run into. I'm so happy and I couldn't have asked for more than what I have right now!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
You just have to keep on doing what you do. It's the lesson I get from my husband; he just says, Keep going. Start by starting.
~Meryl Streep
You just have to keep on doing what you do. It's the lesson I get from my husband; he just says, Keep going. Start by starting.
~Meryl Streep
No comments:
Post a Comment