Who really cares cuz it's your life You never know, it could be great!

A friend of mine suggested before I moved to Area 51 that I have no choice but to get a Playstation 3. Seeing as I had money to move, he thought I'd use it to grow my collection of entertainment. "When am I going to have time to play it?" I asked. My response caught him a little off guard. I'm an avid video game player, and boy I spent many ineffective hours with my hands glued to a controller playing the latest RPG, Mario Party, and the like. But this move wasn't so I could take time away from being "an adult" (as my mom would say). I moved to get a career. And in order to get a career in the industry I want to be involved in, using every minute I have toward that goal is crucial.

"If you're not on set, you're at work. If you're not at work, then you're at the gym. If you're not at the gym, then you're in class. If you're not in class, then you're asleep."
~Vince, My Agent.

He said these words to me prior to me moving down here. "This is how the working actors in LA think. They don't spend a day at the beach, they don't 'sleep in' and go to the mall. They continually improve themselves so they are prepared," he continued, "every time I call one of my LA actors and I get their voice mail, they call me back saying 'Sorry Vince I was in class/work/sleeping/etc'." For me, it's just a matter applying that mentality and proving it to Vince. I'm not sure how I'm gonna do the proving, but I'm on the right steps to get the mentality thing down.

"Luck is when opportunity meets preparation"
~Seneca Roman Philosophy

I was thinking today at my mall job about some subconscious make-up stuff and why I can't get through on another level during auditions and it all goes back to a couple of facts. I grew up having to always be polite and keeping a clean slate in front of those who mattered. The idea of "The home stuff stays out of the work place and the work place never comes home" really stuck with me. But that doesn't help in an audition. In order to follow through with a character, I can't come in acting clean-cut and empty. I must have an Event and Beliefs that go with the character's scene ready. And conjoined in that, I must be comfortable and ready to express whatever feelings come out in this.

"Another pattern I've observed over time is that my acting technique has a tendency to bleed into an actor's personal life. To actually use adversity as a way to overcome it and win is so inspiring and effective that many of my actors unconsciously incorporate this way of being into their lives, becoming more personally realized and empowered"
~Ivana Chubbuck, The Power of the Actor

When I was growing up, I remember being told to stop crying and to not acknowledge my feelings. Not too long ago I read somewhere that every life event becomes trapt somewhere within your body unless you fully work them out it. In Dave's class, we focused on this idea where he guided us to be in a relaxed state of being and then would scream or make a tremendously loud noise to shake us. He'd ask one by one where they felt the fear. To my best memory, I recall feeling it in my arms. I'm not sure as to why (I haven't reflected that) but I felt it most in my arms. Jeanie, an acting coach here in NM, shared a similar story where any time she needs to feel sadness, she thinks of the lungs in connection with her dad's smoking. This also can be why some people end up with some diseases and why others don't. She also shared an intriguing idea that sometimes when you act a scene that is so incredibly close to your life Event, it can help it get worked out of your system.

I may have a fear that if I actually make closure that it'll do worse damage than keeping it in. I've done this about many personal things where I'll start it, but then I'll give up before it is rightfully finished. The only area I haven't done that in is Love. With my ex I went to the entire extreme of having to live with him before I gave up on the notion that we weren't meant to be together. Everything up to that point--the break-ups, the cheating, the abuse--none of it would get through to me to say it's finished. But there's still many things about that relationship that I've kept in--how I let him off the hook, the mysteries about his truths & lies etc. But these are all tools I can use when I need a scene since they are still packed full with layers of emotions. And I have pleanty other examples (not ones i'll share at this point) where it can pack that power and make me get that response from audiences. It's just a matter of getting to those levels and understanding how to living through them again and find the closure I want from guidence of the script.

We'll see.. I'm going to start my reading... and I'll be back to reflect more....